


Fangs and Fallacies

by yonebayachi



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-01-07 04:46:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18403373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yonebayachi/pseuds/yonebayachi
Summary: Romania isn’t a vampire.But he loves to trick people into thinking he is.





	Fangs and Fallacies

Romania isn’t a vampire.

But he loves to trick people into thinking that he is.

America _liked_ to consider Romania was a full-fledged vampire. Everyone knew it was just to throw the nations off, but he liked to think otherwise. Who knows when he’d snap and go biting at their necks?

He sees Romania as someone he should defeat, a possible threat to his neck. He resembled nearly all the vampires he saw in the movies back at his place, complete with the fangs and the accent, and _everything_. Honestly, America saw him as a bloodthirsty man, probably after his blood because he would come up to _him_ after the meeting to bring up jokes that might possibly mean something.

After all, the other nations were subtly dropping hints that Romania _was_ a vampire just this morning.

Being a good hero that he is, he stays calm, keeping a stake and a crucifix always close by— _just in case_ —should the vampire ever go for his neck. Or literally suck the life out of him. He didn’t want his fangs sinking into his perfectly bare neck or have his neck flesh punctured with holes.

He wanted to stay out in the sun and _not_ burn and _not_ die by the stake!

He still wanted to see what his reflection was like instead of looking into the mirror to find that no one’s there, or to stare at complete nothingness. And he didn’t want to miss out on all the fun things on the beach because he can’t come out in open sunlight.

“Hello, America,” his hair stood on end at the sound of his name. He nearly jumped in place, if he wasn’t in the meeting hall. He knew that all too familiar voice. The European country grinned, revealing his fangs. America watched him carefully with a keen eye. “I’m _thirsty_. By any chance, you’re not a picky eater or anything, are you?”

“N-No. Why?”

“I’d like to ask if you want to go to the place you like so much, buy drinks or better yet,” Romania said, smiling. “Grab a _bite_.”

Grab a bite— _hah!_ That was a joke right?

Romania waited for him to answer. “Well?”

“No! I don’t want to turn into a vampire!” he ran as far away as he could from the country. Romania waited until he disappeared down the corridors, screeching: “ _It’s true! It’s true!_ ”

“That was _brilliant_! Or should I say, _fangtastic_ _,_ ” a laughing Brit emerged from the other side of the room, the only person who knew Romania _wasn_ _’t_ a vampire. Or at least believed that he wasn’t. “The best one so far, I’d wager.”

“I think I scared him more than necessary.” Romania wiped the tears from the corners of his eyes. They were laughing so hard, he hardly noticed that he was crying. If only he saw the look on Alfred’s face! The poor soul was scared half to _death_.

“He’ll be fine,” England reassured him. “You have to tell him that you’re not a vampire sooner or later.” his fellow magician raised a bushy brow at him. “You’re _not_ really a vampire. Are you?”

“Who knows?”

“Don’t scare me like that you bloody git!”

“Alright. I’m not a vampire?” Romania said as if it was a question. “Anyway I’ll just tell him next time.”

And so, Romania’s next quest begins.

 

* * *

 

 

“Mein gott! They really _do_ look like fangs!”

“Indeed, they do,” the Romanian smirked proudly. “Genuine fangs, is what they are.”

“Are they _really_ real... vampire ones, though?” asked a curious little Gilbert. Sweat started to form on his forehead as he waits for a response.

“Can’t say. What do _you_ think?”

“They’re... not?”

There was silence between them, and neither spoke, leaving the Prussian with this uneasy feeling in the pit of his guts. He always knew Romania since they were kids. He had those fangs before, and there weren’t any bite marks on his neck. He couldn’t _possibly_ be a vampire!

“What if I said they are?”

The great and awesome Prussia was already backing away from his fellow nation with a quivering smile on his face.

“That’s a good question,” Prussia laughed nervously. “I’ll ve right over there to think of an answer so don’t go anywhere and don’t go following me anywhere!”

And so, the man vanished down the hall in a hurry to lose him in his sight.

“He’s not coming back, is he?” Bulgaria appeared from out of nowhere, looking bored as ever.

“Oh, might as well go scare the others again,” Romania hummed to himself. Bulgaria stared at him with a weird look.

“ _Creep_.” the Bulgarian smacks him upside the head.

“Hey Mister!” Sealand, along with Wy, rushed down the meeting hall to meet him, after having heard of the news from their frightened big brother America.

The Romanian was more than thrilled to see the children coming towards him this time. It was nice not seeing anyone run away the instant they see him, from the assumption that he _was_ an actual vampire.

“Why, hello there little ones, you two look well and—” he was cut off before he could add anything else.

“Are the rumors _true_? Are you a vampire?”

“It seems so,” Romania’s lips turned up into a smirk. His answer was sure to send them running off, crying to their bosses. They were also countries like them, right? He blinked a couple of times. They were still there. What? Shouldn’t they be screaming like they were supposed to? “What are you two still doing here?”

He waits there in utter disappoinment. They were completely still, eyes twinkling in amazement. “Can you turn invisible?”

“How’d you become a vampire?”

“Were you _born_ a vampire?”

“Do you fly? Do vampires actually die in sunlight?” the questions kept on coming for the Romanian. It was cute that they weren’t afraid of him but it bothered him nonetheless, running their little mouths.

“Are you allergic to garlic or you just don’t like it in general?”

“I can’t say.” he faked a frown.

“I told you we shouldn’t have asked!” Wy chided.

“I don’t know. What I do know is,” he smirked. “Who my _necks_ victim would be.”

“Who?”

“The both of you.” he said in an ominous tone, earning zero reaction from the two micronations.

“Are you sure? But before you drink our blood, Mr Dracula could you turn into a bat?”

Romania didn’t know if he should bail or what, but he was already off, the young boy in his sailor suit running after him.

 

* * *

 

For what seemed like an hour of narrowly escaping absolute doom in the hands of two micronations in the body of twelve-year olds and being forcefully asked to change into a bat, Romania managed to hide himself in their secret magic room that only they had access to.

Being the only magic users among their fellow nations, England and the two countries discussed over mythical creatures only they can see.

And Romania, who happened to be bored, decided to butt in and join their little conversation.

“Vampires are _real_.” Vlad would convince them.

From the other side of the table, the man with the cross clip refused to believe in one. “No,  they are not.”

“Are too!” the nation would argue.

Norway rose from his seat and slammed his palms into the table. “Prove it.”

“Are these not enough proof?” Vlad flashed his fangs through his smirk, waiting for any sort of reaction from the Nordic country.

“Nice try, but you’re going to have to do better than that,” Norway smirked back. “Right, England—?”

The Norwegian turned around to see the island country passed out on the floor, his spirit partially leaving him. Norway mentally face palms himself.

“ _He_ believes.” shrugged the country.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Norway sighed. “And he is a fool for falling for it.”

“Now do _you_ believe?”

“No.”

“Hey, Norge! There’s a vampire on the loose! Can I come in now—?!”

Denmark stops in the middle of his sentence, holding the door open for a few seconds before he spots the very man he was talking about. He froze upon seeing the figure, fangs glinting in the dim lighting of the room.

Suddenly, he feels faint.

A Danish body drops to the floor, the life leaving his face.

A particular Norge looked pissed as hell, being the only one who was immune to the gossip.  _Fucking idiots_.

“I guess that’s my cue!” Romania chirps happily. “See you around!”

Romania wanders down by the hall to see the two Italian brothers, who seems to be anxiously talking about something.

He knew how these brothers get easily afraid and are _very_ easy targets.

Before he could even say a thing, the two stooped in their tracks to scream.

Next thing he knew, garlic was being thrown his way, which missed every time. “DIE, YOU BLOOD SUCKING BASTARD!”

“It takes more than a bulb to kill me, unfortunately.” the Romanian scoffed at their attempt to subdue him. Romano was horrified that it didn’t work, unable to land a single hit on him.

Italy, who had a bottle of holy water stashed away in his uniform pockets, held the container out to his face. “How about _THIS_?!”

Feliciano wasted no time to douse him in it, soaking the supposed vampire said water. The water proved to be ineffective and the two fled to the other room, leaving a drenched Vlad in the middle of the hall.

“MISS HUNGARY, RUN!”

Oh.

Oh _shit_.

This might be the end. The final boss. Romania wasn’t exaggerating, as Hungary doesn’t so much as flinch even when in the face of death. She’s one of the toughest fuckers there is. At one point, she stares danger back in the face, completely unfazed but it.

“ _You_? A _vampire_?” she threw her head back, laughing. When Romania first tried to tell her he really was a vampire over a century ago, she bursted out laughing her head off. “And you expect me to _believe_ that?”

“Miss Hungary! What a pleasant surprise—!”

“I’ve battled you for years and no amount of garlic or stake can make you disintegrate, no matter how hard I try or how bad I wanted them to.” a dark look crossed Hungary’s face, making him cower a bit.

“Tha-That was really mean.” Romania stammered, partly shaking by the sheer intent behind her words and how she meant every single one of it.

“Well what do you expect from telling those lies when I know the truth? It’s kind of funny you know?” she laughed a little, feeling a little proud. He’s not going to fool anyone with her, of course. “How _pathetic_.”

“You’re no fun when I can’t trick you.” Hungary stuck out her tongue at him.

“You’d have to try a little better than that!”

She turns away, her back facing him as she left, laughing.

When she was far enough, he muttered begrudgingly. “It’s not like you could get it through that thick skull of yours—”

Hungary had never whipped her head so fast in _ages_.

And there it was again—the face he was well acquainted with for the past decades each time he happened to piss her off.

“Would you like to repeat that for me?” her smile sent shivers down his spine, making him _wish_ he was a vampire with an immortal life.

From that moment, he knew there was no getting out of this alive.

**Author's Note:**

> INSPIRED BY A HEADCANNON I SAW
> 
> IT WAS ADORABLE OK
> 
> I DON’T OWN IT, THOUGH
> 
> Also
> 
> (Sorry if you ever found the puns disgusting, but I love puns.)


End file.
